The 26p Challenge!

Reading over my own blog today, I became aware that unemployment is turning me into what can only be described as miserable, antisocial, hermit-y git. 

I admit that naturally, I am a bit of a pessimist - I mean, it's a practical approach to life as, when things do go right, it's always a nice surprise - what's not to love?

But, my usual employed, busy self is a jovial pessimist, if anything, with a silly, daydream-y brain. I love wandering about, seeing what I can see, meeting new people and spotting cool stuff.

But, almost six weeks at home avoiding shops, friends and anything that costs something (everything, then) has dampened my enthusiasm for the basics. I even decided not to answer the door twice today, as well as the telephone a couple of times. I couldn't bring myself to make the effort to have a conversation! The red lights are flashing.

So, I set myself a challenge today. On the way out of Longsight Library, I decided to search my pockets for money. I had exactly 26p. With a massive ASDA next door, I wondered, what could I buy for 26p? Anything? Nothing?

I know you are all dying to find out. 

No strategic 'big 5' selection process involved - it was just next door

I went into said cathedral of family-friendly purchases and started in the homeware section. You can buy nothing for 26 pence in the homeware section. Strange...

Moving on. I entered the fresh baked goods aisle, thinking I may be in line for a 'whoops!' sticker bonanza.

Nothing greeted me on the 'rancid/broken' rack, except for a packet of crumbling pitta breads for 57p. Try again, discounters, not good enough.

I then explored the branded baked goods aisle. Surely an own-brand goody or two may have been in order here? No!The absolute bog standard 'cake' of any description was a packet of sad apple pies which exceeded the 26p limit.

Moving on in the direction of condiments, I was sure there would be something here to fit the bill. Success! A large Smartprice glass bottle of tomato sauce costs 24p! The first potential purchase discovered. 

However, this was no good to me, as I hate tomato sauce, with its no-tomatoes-but-tonnes-of-sugar smell and sickening, runny consistency. Call me fussy, but that is rank. But, surely the brown sauce would be of equal worth? Alas, no! The same quantity and brand cost 30p! Scandal! But proof that brown is much classier than red every time. 

                                

                                            30p - no!

          

        Tomato-flavoured victory - with 2p to spare

Condiments threw up another couple of possibles. Smartprice dried mixed herbs and ground black pepper both clocked in at 19p each for a little jar.

Now....what shall I sprinkle on it?

Another industrious region of supermarket country that you would probably expect to be a cheapo's goldmine would be sweets. And, thank God, you'd be right. 


One Flump, a Freddo, a packet of mini smarties, a refresher bar and a Vimto bar all flew the flag, each coming in under 26p. No wonder we love these things from childhood right through to coming-of-dole-age.

A childhood friend of mine, however, let me down. A Curly Wurly cost 27p! So close, but yet so far. I could almost feel its fancy chocolatey latticework crumbling between my teeth. But it was not meant to be.

CURLY WURLY SAYS NO!

When it comes to a nice hot drink to go with your sweets, the news is not good. None of the components of a good old English cup of tea can be purchased with 26p. A pint of milk costs 49p and a pack of Smartprice tea bags 27p! Just one penny from success, sigh.

However. You can buy a biscuit!

There's always something missing

Smartprice Rich Tea biscuits cost 23p. Nice, nice. However, these are the only scraping-the-barrel biscuits I could have walked away with on this budget. A ginger nut? No - 3p short! How about a bourbon cream? You're just a dreamer, you crazy fool (40p).

In the baking aisle, there were some pleasant surprises.

A packet of batter mix was priced at 7p. This is a special kind of bargain that deserves a high-five.

Three packets would cost 21p. Think of the possibilities

                        

     

OR, about 30 pancakes. 

Or, three packets would probably allow you to wallpaper the interior of a stately home. 

Failing that, you could make a huge, beautiful toad-in-the-hole. Minus the toad. Desirable side-effect - you could claim to be a responsible vegetarian or a health nut.

If you can overlook the toad, the hole could be quite something!

                                   
Next up on my 26p-and-under radar was a box of Smartprice sage and onion stuffing mix.

A nutritious meal

This would set you back back a whopping 19p. The remaining 7p, however, would fail to buy you the accompanying chicken. In fact, you may not even glean a gravy granule.

A packet of strawberry whip had a 12p price tag - this could just pass as a full meal. And, with enough money in my pocket for two packs, things really could have taken off. Surely great for the health too...?

The 26p diet gained me this bod

Speaking of which - ASDA was asking 19p per packet of its dried pasta sauces, one such example being cheese and broccoli. Hmm, is there really any broccoli in there? Maybe. But, there's no hydrogenated fat! Which apparently is an achievement worth slapping on the front page. 

If you re-add the hydrogenated fat, would that make it cheaper?

Next up was something that every single student, artist, skint person and traveller knows without even thinking. A packet of noodles is the easiest, most filling, comforting bit of cheap food you can buy in any situation, at any time across the planet.

Smartprice noodles = 11p. This would have been the best-informed option. I could have fed myself for 2 days with this. But that would have been too easy, so I sailed off into the next aisle.

Here, a potentially genius idea greeted me - pickled onions! These remind me of 1.) My sister (who ate them from the jar with a fork when I was a kid 2.) Parties - on a stick with a square of cheese stuck into a tinfoil 'hedgehog'. 3.) Posh cocktails. That is some great imagery and it could count as a couple of dinners. However, the option was snatched away by the 31p price tag. 

Viable as a nice dinner - but not within budget :(

However, a nice little touch was that, for the sick and infirm and those recovering from operations, or those who survive on drinking spirits and eating fags, a bottle of Smartprice lemonade cost just 19p!

For those on liquid diets or eating through straws

Venturing into the Arctic, the fridge region did not have much in the way of 26p, which is more of a comfort than anything. Although I'm sure, in my student years, a packet of round-spam-with-egg-in't-middle was below 30p. Nevermore. Nevermore.

I suspected that a nice, glowing radioactive-hued cheese slice could be had for buttons, but no! They were asking 54p for a pack of ten. Denied.

54p - oh no you don't!

It seems that breakfast is an unfriendly meal to those on poverty rations. A pint of milk comes in at 49p, whereas the cheapest, grottiest cornflakes available are still out of reach at 64p.

Breakfast? Not for you, povvo!

Before I headed out of the shop in failure and disgrace, I decided to try the fruit and vegetable section. Cherry tomatoes, packaged salads and pricey grapes all sneered as I passed, saying, "not today, dole-ite".

The loose apples were not in abundance at the end of the evening and were surrounded by fierce-looking mothers, so I decided not to tackle those. The oranges were all in nets, plums well-packaged and pineapples absolutely out of my league.

Then, I turned a corner. Not metaphorically, I just went into the next aisle.

Ah! A possible light on the horizon? I was greeted by a head of broccoli donning the welcoming, bright yellow 'Whoops!' sticker. 47p. Not good enough.

A small pack of mixed chillies similarly raised my hopes - nope - 44 p. Try again, sucker.

The white garlic bulbs looked hopeful, staring at me from their papery jackets. Alas, 27p each. They were one penny better than I.

VICTORY! A KIWI FRUIT!!

26P!!

Success came in the form of a little prickly brown nugget. So, it is possible to buy something nutritious for 26p from ASDA at six in the evening.

However, what fun is there in being healthy on a cold autumn/winter night? I decided that I still had some time to burn and that another, equally fun challenge would be to try and make something ridiculous/disgusting/hilarious/dangerous with dregs of ingredients in my cupboards at home! Great plan.

But then a better idea struck on the way out, I dropped the 26p into a charity bucket. People (who are normally richer and more sensible than me...) like to talk about investments all of the time, blah blah blaaaahh, etc etc, so that might just be mine, in the form of 26p worth of karma and good luck. Maybe?!!

Signing (on)!

YAC.