What's the Story?
I've always been a head-in-the-clouds, arty, writer-y kind of person, not bad at listening, learning, speaking and organising things. I did all kinds of extra-curricular stuff at school - I was elected form captain, class 'MP' and so on. This was mainly because nobody else wanted to be seen dead doing these geeky things. I was 'elected' by my fellow classmates in a rough-as-boots school where any of the above 'achievements' would have warranted a good kicking.Anybody....? No....? OK then. |
However, once I got into college, I diluted myself into the larger stream of kids who were bothered enough/intelligent enough to carry on their education. I didn't maintain my position as a hand-in-the-air, question-answering over-achiever.
College Days
I just concentrated on my classes and passed Art and English A-Levels, plus a Foundation Art course afterwards. I also took an Advanced Extension Award in English - slightly over-achieving there, but it was a gruelling 3-hour exam that gained me a merit and proved that I was pretty good at English on a nation-wide scale.
Funnily enough, I can't say the art, English, foundation art or the advanced extension award have really opened any fat, heavy doors for me. Hmm, creative industries rake you in a fortune...don't they?!
Which degree for me.....?
After college, I was at a crossroads. My art teacher encouraged me to apply for art, specifically textiles, at degree level. Unfortunately, textiles was the wrong area for me to concentrate on, I went for the interview and my portfolio (full of half-finished pattern work), didn't cut it. There was still time to apply for fine art though, however, in the meanwhile, I received two unconditional offers to study English.
Should have seen careers advisor sooner than the end of 3rd year |
My art tutor, who had guided me for the last three years, tried to reason with me and seemed unhappy about the way my thoughts were going. She said "some people send their kids to art school and no matter how much the student wants to be good at drawing, they just never will be. Some people have just got it, and you have it." Apologies for the self-flattery, but this is the sentence I recall when life throws an egg at my face.
I thought about university and decided that I didn't have any idea what I wanted to do. But, I was good at English. I gained a merit for the Advanced Extension Award, didn't I? Plus, an English graduate would have more transferable skills and a wider choice of career paths, surely?! So, I accepted my English offer and did my three years at uni.
You Know Naathing!!
When I was younger and right up until I graduated, I didn't really think hard enough about what I wanted to do. This was because, as an arrogant and unrealistic "yoof", I thought I was capable of doing anything. If I wanted to start out as a writer, I would and could. I'd just do it, I wouldn't need to think about the 'hows'.
Easy! If I then decided I wanted to be an artist, I'd just flit about and start doing that. Yeah, fine, where's the problem? By the time I was, like REALLY old, say 30, I will probably have done all of these cool things and be thinking about what to do with my fortune. Maybe retire. Yeah.
By the time I'm 30, yeah? |
My God. Now, here is the reality of the 28 (almost 29)-year-old version of me.
I graduated in 2006. I then coasted around in bar/office jobs and applied to teach abroad. My English degree was useful here (any degree was good for the application) as I was accepted, did the job and came home in summer 2008.
At this point, I had a genius idea. I wanted to be a journalist. I'd been working as a voluntary writer for local magazines and fanzines since my second year at uni. Unfortunately, I missed a great opportunity to be music editor of the uni magazine, as they didn't allow 3rd-year students to do this. Bad luck - I simply didn't know about the whole music reviewing game earlier.
Not Exactly Reporting from the War Zone...
I got a job as a news writer. I soon became disillusioned with it - partly due to this being an SEO-oriented news writing position. Kind of like sales, but selling half-arsed, re-hashed, keyword-laden news articles for a company with no trace of a heart, offering no kind of prospects for the future. Fair enough for some. But not for me.
Search Engine Optimisation - dull |
At this point, I made a difficult, but sensible decision (I hope). I continued trying to get work experience and job interviews with news outlets and newspapers, etc. However, many of the regional ones started closing down, I hadn't even sat my NCTJs and online publications started to, in a way, saturate the profession.
If everyone is writing blogs, features and articles, why not outsource content, instead of employing lots of feature staff in-house? Hell, why not advertise all the positions as internships and watch school-leavers/graduates/career-changers fall all over each other to work for us for free? This is what newspapers, magazines and websites seemed to be working towards. So, journalism just didn't seem to me to hold any promise for the future.
This particular realisation was a big deal - writing is one of the few things I could probably make a good living from, going from past feedback from others and my own enjoyment of it. But, right now it isn't a wise move for someone approaching 30 looking for a career instead of yet another job. So, I realised, I have to make myself good at something else.
Stop the press - literally |
I left the world of 'news' writing after about 20 months in the role. I was offered a job by a friend and essentially, I think I took it mainly to escape the monotonous boredom of SEO writing. My new official job title was business development assistant for a very small company based in a pretty flashy office in central Manchester.
It wasn't rocket science and it wasn't particularly challenging, but I have never had it so good in terms of my general day-to-day duties and perks and I probably never will again. I left, due to the company closing, in 2012, so there was another two years, seven months in a middle-of-the-road position when it came to my ambitions for the future.
So, here I am, after leaving this role. I officially became a free woman on 29th September. It is now November 8th and I still have no job. I have signed on the dole, after grossly underestimating how fat my final wage would be. This is my story so far.
Sadly, we only get one |
I want to relate my experiences in some way, I want to share them with other people who are, or may soon be, unemployed and looking for work. Most of all, I want to document this long struggle I have barely started, as a woman hitting her thirties, of looking, not just for a job, but almost for an identity, a means of self-validation - something that makes me happy.
I want a career that will give me the sense that I've done the right thing with my life. Something that makes me feel useful and successful, no matter what I'm paid or what industry I end up in. This is not too much to ask - I have seen people who have this, I know it is possible!
In a sense, I've rewound ten years, back to that post-college crossroad, the point at which I decided, quite blindly and incorrectly, that I was choosing convenience and money over enjoyment when I chose English over art. Lets see, with hindsight at my disposal, if I can make the right choices this time.
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